apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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