he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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