What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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