I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
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my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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