My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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