Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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