He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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