just tell him i said nine months
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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