you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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