Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize