We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
These tits shall not be calmed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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