I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize