five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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