The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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