i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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