You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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