I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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