I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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