That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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