I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize