sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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