I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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