is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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