girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize