the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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