It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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