How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize