i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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