She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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