Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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