Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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