I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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