I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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