I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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