i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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