well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize