There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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