There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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