trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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