im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You did what with his pubic hair?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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