okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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