i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize