my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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