when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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