Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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