Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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