I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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