Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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