He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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