it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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